I haven't posted in a while because a lot has been going on! Mainly Graduation!!! I can not believe it. It seems like all my life I have been preparing for college. Even in grade school I had it in my mind "I have to do good because I have to go to college"...In high school "I have to go to college"...in college, "I have to graduate from college"...and now, "?" What's next? I guess, "I have to get a job"... But what to do in the mean time?
Needless to say, right now is very weird for me. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions, most happy. But some are just confusing. Why am I sad? Isn't this what I worked so hard for? I kinda feel like a huge part of me is missing. I mean, all my life I have defined myself by my accomplishments. Maybe that's not the best thing to do, but if I'm being truthful, I did. If you were to ask me to tell you something about myself, I would have told you my name, a little about my family, a little about my friends, and that I was a good student. So yea, I can see why I feel a little empty.
Branson and I were talking about things the other day. I was trying to think of what I would miss about this city. The truth is, I won't miss anything except for the familiarity of it...and I could get that in Shreveport. Most of my friends are leaving, with the exception of a few. And those few are the ones I think I will keep in touch with no matter what. So there really is nothing left for me here.
On the other hand, the idea of going to a new place scares the heck out of me, even though I love the city we are going to. I feel an odd sense of peace when I am there, like that is exactly where we are meant to me. Branson feels it too. I really believe that it is where God wants us, and if its where God wants us, why am I so scared?
I guess I'm scared because I'm human. I am a human who really likes a nice laid out plan. I like a carefully planned itinerary. I like a clear direction. Well, I have all of that. God always has a nice laid out plan. I just don't know what it is yet. And I do have a clear direction...Go West...lol but that is all I know right now.
I'm sure that when all is done and settled, I'll look back and say "It wasn't that bad" but in the mean time, I'm just taking one day at a time.
Sorry for the gloomy post. I just had to put into writing the thoughts that were bouncing around in my head...
Change is never an easy thing to do, even changes for the better. But I know that everything we face together, with God, is conquerable. And anything He allows us to go through will make us stronger on the other side of it. You are doing what you were always designed to do. You are fulfilling God's call on your life. I hope and pray that you can feel His pleasure in you as much as I can see it. You're doing great, sweetheart. Love you!!!
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